Expectations influence experience.
Experience influences expectations.
They’re not dependent. But they are interlinked.
Taken together, one reinforces the other, cycling faster and faster in a constant effort to equalise what we expect and what we get.
It’s not “true” that great results necessarily follow high expectations.
Nor is the opposite true – having low expectations doesn’t condemn us live out our days in failed, limited circumstances.
If experience was directly driven by expectation, then nothing would ever surprise us. Luckily, that’s not the case.
Life is full of surprises. Things often work out in ways we don’t expect… and in many scenarios, they’re far better than we could have ever anticipated.
Just as we can be pleasantly surprised along the path, we can find ourselves burdened by disappointment as well.
What causes this?
There are a few potential drivers we can point to. One of those potent lies directly within our control:
Knowing what we’re willing to accept.
When we draw a psychological line in the sand and unconsciously decide that we’ll accept nothing but the very best outcomes we can imagine, we’re setting ourself up for failure. In two ways.
- Having too narrow a view of what success looks like blinds us to results which might deliver more than we ever hoped for… even though it’s not what we initially envisioned.
- Ignoring the impact of luck on the outcomes we attain is a surefire way to be disappointed when the odds don’t go in our favour.
But the lesson here isn’t to simply set our expectations low.
In the wrong context, low expectations can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If we’ve decided before we begin that we can’t reach the goals we care about, how likely are we to take steps to attain them?
The key…
Expect what you desire. Require nothing but what you need.
Certainly, strive for the best.
Envision the dream.
Commit to attaining it.
Work relentlessly & do everything in your power to make it happen.
But after you’ve given it your all, let go of the need to attain any particular outcome.
Let things happen as they will.
Recognise that the only things within your control are your actions, your responses, and your commitment to the process.
You can support the end result. You can’t force it.
Ultimately, our happiness has very little to do with the content of our experience… and a lot more to do with how content we can be with the hand we’re dealt.
Expectations are a tool. Wield them for what they’re worth, but don’t let them define you.
Put them in their proper place.
Reclaim your agency by realising that, while the attainment of external goals can be enriching, true satisfaction lies in focusing only on the things we can directly control.
The rest is roulette.